写在2013云端

“湖水是你的眼神
梦想满天星辰
心情是一个传说
亘古不变地等候
成长是一扇树叶的门
童年有一群亲爱的人
春天是一段路程
沧海桑田的拥有
那些我爱的人
那些离逝的风
那些永远的誓言一遍一遍
那些爱我的人
那些沉淀的泪
那些永远的誓言一遍一遍
我们都曾有过一张天真而忧伤的脸
手握阳光我们望着遥远
轻轻的一天天一年又一年
长大间我们是否还会再唱起心愿”

2013年的心愿，或许承载着许多少年时的梦想，钢琴，婚礼，书，所有唯美的东西，可能会接踵而至，也可能来去匆匆。

轻轻的一年又一年。每一年的年末年初交替，总想回忆点什么，纪念点什么。

2012年重重的一笔大概要留给神。因为他把恩典做我年岁的冠冕，我所行的路径都滴下脂油。这一年的成长最多，磨炼最多，收获也最多。也是我人生中重要的转折点之一。

神不撇弃，顾念在患难中软弱的我，给我安慰，为我分忧，也赐我忍耐后的果实，忍耐中结出来的果实，虽不饱满圆润，却实实在在让我亲身经历到了神的同在与带领。惟有感恩加上感恩。

Yan陪着我，度过难关，为我擦去眼泪，虽有他的无能为力，但却已尽足他的体贴与善良。

其实我是个忘恩负义的人，眼睛总是三心二意，贪心地什么都想要。

2013的心愿是，希望自己能更像有才德的妇人，能够有一天在自己的家庭中做好当尽的本分。

那些沉淀的泪已经化作生命中无言的力量，这些历练已经悄无声息地成为此生的祝福。

2012年遇见的人，伤过的心，失去的，得到的，都已经被2013的年轮悄无声息地碾过。

我们带着我们恩典的冠冕坐在车上，再回头，已难再。

星光点点

可能是环境变了，年纪长了，阅历也多了，我已经不太会像大学时期一样有许多愁绪。然而我自己也想不到，回忆的门被打开，思念竟会像洪水一样涌出，泛滥地一发不可收拾。

听广播的最早记忆大概要从借住在姨妈家的时候开始。那时候因为叔叔重病被转移到南昌，父母都去医院照顾，我还太小，他们只能把我放在姨妈家。对于寄人篱下的记忆甚少，只记得荞头的味道，和同样寄住的姐姐吵架的情景,还有姨妈坐在沙发上被儿子安慰的样子。那时候哥哥在读高三，每天早上起来第一件事就是听美国之音，当时小小的我觉得世界好大，美国好远。

等到我有了自己的收音机，也是读高中的年纪。当时已经从小乡镇转到了小城市，靠着书信与过去的朋友联系，心里很苦闷，因为我是一个害怕改变、害怕分离的小孩。我几乎忘了那台收音机的模样，印象中它和我偷偷买的闲书一起堆放在白漆书桌左边的小柜子里。父母有时因为单位有事，中午无法回家，我就会参加一个智力问答的节目，打电话过去，主持人问我怎么称呼，＂小蚂蚁",我说。广播局和我家都在一条叫北门街的地方，一个在南，一个在北。我因为答对题，有段时间常去领奖。晚上也听一个叫＂影子＂的主持人跟别人谈心的节目，她的＂外圆内方＂是我最早听到的比较认同的处世哲学。

到了大学，刚进大学就被学长学姐哄着去买了收音机，说是考英语必须要。果然大学一路考试下来都是收音机陪伴的。四六级，中法班，英语分班，期中期末考……时常会自大地在考前试听时偷听广播，有一次听到了陈绮贞的＜＜失明前我想记得的四十七件事＞＞,＂我会记得象的死亡...滑翔机的翅膀..我会记得夏日后的暴雨...＂。那天晚上，车被偷的我坐在芳芳的车后座，啦啦啦唱着，从西十二，经过绝望坡，回到韵苑27栋。

韵苑27栋旁边角落有一个小坡，婉转地从后面转到前面，小坡两边都是些灌木，还有不是很漂亮的草地。秋冬季节，总是稀稀拉拉，青不青黄不黄地耷拉着。大概就是现在这样的季节吧。等到再冷一点，好像现在巴黎的温度，天儿好的时候就有人搭绳子晾被子。我们有时得空了还会搬个凳子放在稀稀拉拉的草上，看书、聊天、晒头发、做作业。最有情趣的莫过于将收音机带上。FM103.8，FM101.8，FM102.6，FM98.6...＂有时候，有时候，我会相信一切有尽头。相聚离开，都有时候，没有什么会永垂不朽。＂

我不喜欢巴黎的广播，放的都是重复的很吵的，已经不那么流行的歌。广告很多。而且有时也听不懂，听得很累。我想法国人是很难理解我这样一个外国人复杂的情绪。我不知道是不是在陌生的城市或环境都是这样，还是因为在国外的关系，我总是在这样一个陌生又熟悉的环境里寻找认同感，而偶尔出现的那种真实的距离感与被拒绝感时就会很失落。但我深深地喜欢这个城市，尽管我身在这个寄居的城市，疯狂地思念几万里以外的另一座熟悉又陌生的城市，我的心仍然深深地眷恋脚下的这一片土地。下班到家看《康熙来了》一期很老的节目。黄彦问我怎么无印良品要分开。《掌心》就开始敲我的门。那年昏暗灯光下，坐在床前听广播的影像就不断地敲打着我上锁的记忆。

我开始不断地寻找曾经听过的那些声音。十点熄灯的宿舍，零点已经算是很晚了吧。躺在宿舍床上收听＜＜星光点点＞＞，听恒亮的声音和她放的歌曲。电台的女主播很容易快了就口齿不清。恒亮的声音干净利落，却也温柔如水，很适合夜晚的静谧，她每次称呼她的听众粉宝贝的时候在我听来是十分真诚的。不像现在的＂亲＂，每次看到，总觉得满身都变成鸡皮了。在东九自习的时候有时也会带上收音机，二楼左右什么的信号还不好，从东九走路回宿舍也听，睡觉时也听。从大学走出来4年了，都没怀念过自己听广播的日子。

当我终于又听到FM103.8的时候，听到的却仍是3、4年前听到的歌《思念是一种病》、《我们都是好孩子》。仿佛我还在YY27#107室，“还没为你把红豆，熬成缠绵的伤口，然后一起分享，会更明白，相思的哀愁。还没好好地感受，醒着亲吻的温柔，可能在我左右，你才追求，孤独的自由。”

Some thinking about Church

I don't know whether all the church is like our church : full of problems, brothers and sisters not united, lacking of love and tolerance... All I know is that this mustn't be the church that belongs to Christ should be.

As we are all sinful people, of course we make mistakes now and then. But what is terrible is the feelings of loneliness, when you find that even in the church, you couldn't find the warmth you need. Sometimes it is just a trust from your familiar brothers and sisters. They told you that they understood, but from their eyes, you can see the blame not hidden well, which exposes the doubt. The leaders of church who shows a lot of help or a lot of energy always catch the eyeballs of the community. One day, when they think about the church, they will remind themselves of the leaders, not the one who had made effort to found the church, who may be just an ordinary believer. If the leaders are humble, how lucky the community is. But if not, and even when they don't take others' advice. What a terrible image.

There are always the people who are likely to follow this kind of leaders, who have the charm of leadership, always with the persuasive tongues, the passion, event if they lack the real and deep love for others. But it doesn't matter. And I desperately find out that not so many people think that it's a terrible thing. Or maybe they prefer to think that I am the weird, who always wants to judge.

Finally,  everyone will abandon you as you don't have the same target, the same learning example, and the same vision, and follow the leaders. Leaving me thinking, which one is right, to speak out or keep silence. Speaking out will make more and more people defend the leader, even what he has done is not right according to the Bible. It is not judging, it is just to point out the problem of the church.

It is normal, that perhaps no one understands you. What is pity is that everyone is tending to looking for others' affirmation. Even I tried not to, but what I'm doing now is to look for some confirmation. But, since nobody relevant will read this, and Lord, I know you know me, and you know us all, may you bless our church before you come.

遗憾

在空荡的办公室发呆，窗外雾雨濛濛。透过窗看过去的景色总是甚好的，尤其在放晴的日子。幸运的话，可以看到排列整齐，像油画一样的云彩。塞纳河里不时经过的货船，在对岸还有零星的几只天鹅。然而在这灰色的天气里，巴黎虽然不那么明媚，但灰色却是给娇艳沧桑的巴黎平添了阴郁忧伤的一抹颜色。

闲来，我打开了qq邮箱，忍不住还是点开了阅读日志，订阅的人早在5月更新了一文，依旧是熟悉的笔风，淡淡地说着一丝感慨。和付乐的关系很微妙，我们从来没有真正成为男女朋友，如果说是暧昧，但空间离的距离甚远，事实上无法感觉到暧昧所带来的甜蜜；如果说是爱情，更无法解释之后的不了了之。

在我还没准备好接受爱的时候，我碰到了军斯，碰到了付乐。我不懂爱，也不明白如何去接受和拒绝。因为付乐，我从此害怕任何形式的暧昧，因此，在遇到军斯的时候，在暧昧还在萌芽的时候，我就用冷水浇熄了他的热情。

我一直以为自己是浪漫多情的女孩，这样回顾下来，其实我骨子里是冷峻又理智的，我清楚的知道，这两段感情都不可能会有结果。但每每回想起那段大学的时光，总还是很煽情的。不得不说，这两个人的文采都是吸引我的一个重要原因，但现实似乎告诉我，其实我真正需要的是阳光善良愿意悉心呵护我的爱人，而不是和我一样会伤感会敏感会小资的文艺青年。

付乐写给他爱人的文章总是让人动容，但我感动之余都知道，故事的主角永远不可能是我，记忆中偶尔闪现片断，如何能代替每天相守相知的碎碎念。曾经我也希望有这么个人，时不时地把我写进漂亮的文章里。这个念想，我还是趁早断了吧。

面试经验2012

2011-2012最多的是等待，耐心等待的最后，虽然一开始不是好的结果，但是相信神所预备的，不是人所能看透的。惟有求神赐下智慧，让我能清楚如何倚靠他，如果他愿意，求他指示我在他的计划中该做什么。

从4月中旬又开始找工作了，虽然重新开始不是一件容易的事，但总算林林总总有些面试。面试的职位基本上都是Ingenieur developpement en Java/J2EE，或是test。大部分是SSII，只有少数几家是非SSII。可能因为最后一次实习是在路透的缘故，很多金融方面的SSII会主动找我。

Co-dependency

Today, as usual, I was translating an interesting article, it was about marriage. 


In this article, the author mentions that the early experiences of love may affect our relationship. When we were children, having been loved consistently would give us inner security. And if we lack this security, we may strive to ensure that we are loved. And there exists two different ways acting in the relationship caused by the lack of the security. 


One is co-dependency. And the other is being afraid to commit.


When I searched on the internet I'm shocked that I have many symptoms of co-dependency!

Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are:

• An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
• A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
• A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
• A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
• An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
• An extreme need for approval and recognition
• A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
• A compelling need to control others
• Lack of trust in self and/or others
• Fear of being abandoned or alone
• Difficulty identifying feelings
• Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
• Problems with intimacy/boundaries
• Chronic anger
• Lying/dishonesty
• Poor communications
• Difficulty making decisions

Questionnaire To Identify Signs Of Co-dependency

This condition appears to run in different degrees, whereby the intensity of symptoms are on a spectrum of severity, as opposed to an all or nothing scale. Please note that only a qualified professional can make a diagnosis of co-dependency; not everyone experiencing these symptoms suffers from co-dependency.

1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you?
3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem?
4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?
5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own?
6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home?
7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends?
8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?
9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?
10. Have you ever felt inadequate?
11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?
12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?
13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?
14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?
15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done?
16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss?
17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life?
18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help?
19. Do you have trouble asking for help?
20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them?

If you identify with several of these symptoms; are dissatisfied with yourself or your relationships; you should consider seeking professional help. Arrange for a diagnostic evaluation with a licensed physician or psychologist experienced in treating co-dependency.

How is Co-dependency Treated?

Because co-dependency is usually rooted in a person’s childhood, treatment often involves exploration into early childhood issues and their relationship to current destructive behavior patterns. Treatment includes education, experiential groups, and individual and group therapy through which co-dependents rediscover themselves and identify self-defeating behavior patterns. Treatment also focuses on helping patients getting in touch with feelings that have been buried during childhood and on reconstructing family dynamics. The goal is to allow them to experience their full range of feelings again.

more infos

Hope this information can help someone like me. 

How to Correct Your Accent? Andy Krieger

This video is a bit long, but it worth sharing. I saw it originally from hujiang


Mr Krieger is a voice coach, world famous voice coach, he is the inventor of the unique K Method.

The K Method -- Five Steps

Step1: Speak slowly(in the beginning)in order to give yourself time to...Put your tongue and lips in one of 9 ALPHABET POSITIONS

Step2: All the letters of the alphabet are divided into 9 groups. All you have to do is memorize these groups(fun&easy to do)

Step3: Involves an exchange of air USING YOUR HAND to help you

Step4: Also involves the exchanging of air. Again your hand is invovled in this process.

Step5: Each word you say has an elongated vowel.