2012/11/01

星光点点

可能是环境变了,年纪长了,阅历也多了,我已经不太会像大学时期一样有许多愁绪。然而我自己也想不到,回忆的门被打开,思念竟会像洪水一样涌出,泛滥地一发不可收拾。

听广播的最早记忆大概要从借住在姨妈家的时候开始。那时候因为叔叔重病被转移到南昌,父母都去医院照顾,我还太小,他们只能把我放在姨妈家。对于寄人篱下的记忆甚少,只记得荞头的味道,和同样寄住的姐姐吵架的情景,还有姨妈坐在沙发上被儿子安慰的样子。那时候哥哥在读高三,每天早上起来第一件事就是听美国之音,当时小小的我觉得世界好大,美国好远。

等到我有了自己的收音机,也是读高中的年纪。当时已经从小乡镇转到了小城市,靠着书信与过去的朋友联系,心里很苦闷,因为我是一个害怕改变、害怕分离的小孩。我几乎忘了那台收音机的模样,印象中它和我偷偷买的闲书一起堆放在白漆书桌左边的小柜子里。父母有时因为单位有事,中午无法回家,我就会参加一个智力问答的节目,打电话过去,主持人问我怎么称呼,"小蚂蚁",我说。广播局和我家都在一条叫北门街的地方,一个在南,一个在北。我因为答对题,有段时间常去领奖。晚上也听一个叫"影子"的主持人跟别人谈心的节目,她的"外圆内方"是我最早听到的比较认同的处世哲学。

到了大学,刚进大学就被学长学姐哄着去买了收音机,说是考英语必须要。果然大学一路考试下来都是收音机陪伴的。四六级,中法班,英语分班,期中期末考……时常会自大地在考前试听时偷听广播,有一次听到了陈绮贞的<<失明前我想记得的四十七件事>>,"我会记得象的死亡...滑翔机的翅膀..我会记得夏日后的暴雨..."。那天晚上,车被偷的我坐在芳芳的车后座,啦啦啦唱着,从西十二,经过绝望坡,回到韵苑27栋。

韵苑27栋旁边角落有一个小坡,婉转地从后面转到前面,小坡两边都是些灌木,还有不是很漂亮的草地。秋冬季节,总是稀稀拉拉,青不青黄不黄地耷拉着。大概就是现在这样的季节吧。等到再冷一点,好像现在巴黎的温度,天儿好的时候就有人搭绳子晾被子。我们有时得空了还会搬个凳子放在稀稀拉拉的草上,看书、聊天、晒头发、做作业。最有情趣的莫过于将收音机带上。FM103.8,FM101.8,FM102.6,FM98.6..."有时候,有时候,我会相信一切有尽头。相聚离开,都有时候,没有什么会永垂不朽。"

我不喜欢巴黎的广播,放的都是重复的很吵的,已经不那么流行的歌。广告很多。而且有时也听不懂,听得很累。我想法国人是很难理解我这样一个外国人复杂的情绪。我不知道是不是在陌生的城市或环境都是这样,还是因为在国外的关系,我总是在这样一个陌生又熟悉的环境里寻找认同感,而偶尔出现的那种真实的距离感与被拒绝感时就会很失落。但我深深地喜欢这个城市,尽管我身在这个寄居的城市,疯狂地思念几万里以外的另一座熟悉又陌生的城市,我的心仍然深深地眷恋脚下的这一片土地。下班到家看《康熙来了》一期很老的节目。黄彦问我怎么无印良品要分开。《掌心》就开始敲我的门。那年昏暗灯光下,坐在床前听广播的影像就不断地敲打着我上锁的记忆。

我开始不断地寻找曾经听过的那些声音。十点熄灯的宿舍,零点已经算是很晚了吧。躺在宿舍床上收听<<星光点点>>,听恒亮的声音和她放的歌曲。电台的女主播很容易快了就口齿不清。恒亮的声音干净利落,却也温柔如水,很适合夜晚的静谧,她每次称呼她的听众粉宝贝的时候在我听来是十分真诚的。不像现在的"亲",每次看到,总觉得满身都变成鸡皮了。在东九自习的时候有时也会带上收音机,二楼左右什么的信号还不好,从东九走路回宿舍也听,睡觉时也听。从大学走出来4年了,都没怀念过自己听广播的日子。

当我终于又听到FM103.8的时候,听到的却仍是3、4年前听到的歌《思念是一种病》、《我们都是好孩子》。仿佛我还在YY27#107室,“还没为你把红豆,熬成缠绵的伤口,然后一起分享,会更明白,相思的哀愁。还没好好地感受,醒着亲吻的温柔,可能在我左右,你才追求,孤独的自由。”

2012/09/28

Some thinking about Church

I don't know whether all the church is like our church : full of problems, brothers and sisters not united, lacking of love and tolerance... All I know is that this mustn't be the church that belongs to Christ should be.

As we are all sinful people, of course we make mistakes now and then. But what is terrible is the feelings of loneliness, when you find that even in the church, you couldn't find the warmth you need. Sometimes it is just a trust from your familiar brothers and sisters. They told you that they understood, but from their eyes, you can see the blame not hidden well, which exposes the doubt. The leaders of church who shows a lot of help or a lot of energy always catch the eyeballs of the community. One day, when they think about the church, they will remind themselves of the leaders, not the one who had made effort to found the church, who may be just an ordinary believer. If the leaders are humble, how lucky the community is. But if not, and even when they don't take others' advice. What a terrible image.

There are always the people who are likely to follow this kind of leaders, who have the charm of leadership, always with the persuasive tongues, the passion, event if they lack the real and deep love for others. But it doesn't matter. And I desperately find out that not so many people think that it's a terrible thing. Or maybe they prefer to think that I am the weird, who always wants to judge.

Finally,  everyone will abandon you as you don't have the same target, the same learning example, and the same vision, and follow the leaders. Leaving me thinking, which one is right, to speak out or keep silence. Speaking out will make more and more people defend the leader, even what he has done is not right according to the Bible. It is not judging, it is just to point out the problem of the church.

It is normal, that perhaps no one understands you. What is pity is that everyone is tending to looking for others' affirmation. Even I tried not to, but what I'm doing now is to look for some confirmation. But, since nobody relevant will read this, and Lord, I know you know me, and you know us all, may you bless our church before you come.

2012/09/22

遗憾

在空荡的办公室发呆,窗外雾雨濛濛。透过窗看过去的景色总是甚好的,尤其在放晴的日子。幸运的话,可以看到排列整齐,像油画一样的云彩。塞纳河里不时经过的货船,在对岸还有零星的几只天鹅。然而在这灰色的天气里,巴黎虽然不那么明媚,但灰色却是给娇艳沧桑的巴黎平添了阴郁忧伤的一抹颜色。

闲来,我打开了qq邮箱,忍不住还是点开了阅读日志,订阅的人早在5月更新了一文,依旧是熟悉的笔风,淡淡地说着一丝感慨。和付乐的关系很微妙,我们从来没有真正成为男女朋友,如果说是暧昧,但空间离的距离甚远,事实上无法感觉到暧昧所带来的甜蜜;如果说是爱情,更无法解释之后的不了了之。

在我还没准备好接受爱的时候,我碰到了军斯,碰到了付乐。我不懂爱,也不明白如何去接受和拒绝。因为付乐,我从此害怕任何形式的暧昧,因此,在遇到军斯的时候,在暧昧还在萌芽的时候,我就用冷水浇熄了他的热情。

我一直以为自己是浪漫多情的女孩,这样回顾下来,其实我骨子里是冷峻又理智的,我清楚的知道,这两段感情都不可能会有结果。但每每回想起那段大学的时光,总还是很煽情的。不得不说,这两个人的文采都是吸引我的一个重要原因,但现实似乎告诉我,其实我真正需要的是阳光善良愿意悉心呵护我的爱人,而不是和我一样会伤感会敏感会小资的文艺青年。

付乐写给他爱人的文章总是让人动容,但我感动之余都知道,故事的主角永远不可能是我,记忆中偶尔闪现片断,如何能代替每天相守相知的碎碎念。曾经我也希望有这么个人,时不时地把我写进漂亮的文章里。这个念想,我还是趁早断了吧。


2012/05/12

面试经验2012

2011-2012最多的是等待,耐心等待的最后,虽然一开始不是好的结果,但是相信神所预备的,不是人所能看透的。惟有求神赐下智慧,让我能清楚如何倚靠他,如果他愿意,求他指示我在他的计划中该做什么。

从4月中旬又开始找工作了,虽然重新开始不是一件容易的事,但总算林林总总有些面试。面试的职位基本上都是Ingenieur developpement en Java/J2EE,或是test。大部分是SSII,只有少数几家是非SSII。可能因为最后一次实习是在路透的缘故,很多金融方面的SSII会主动找我。


2012/04/12

Co-dependency

Today, as usual, I was translating an interesting article, it was about marriage. 


In this article, the author mentions that the early experiences of love may affect our relationship. When we were children, having been loved consistently would give us inner security. And if we lack this security, we may strive to ensure that we are loved. And there exists two different ways acting in the relationship caused by the lack of the security. 


One is co-dependency. And the other is being afraid to commit.


When I searched on the internet I'm shocked that I have many symptoms of co-dependency!



Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are:

  • An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
  • A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
  • A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
  • A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
  • An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
  • An extreme need for approval and recognition
  • A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
  • A compelling need to control others
  • Lack of trust in self and/or others
  • Fear of being abandoned or alone
  • Difficulty identifying feelings
  • Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
  • Problems with intimacy/boundaries
  • Chronic anger
  • Lying/dishonesty
  • Poor communications
  • Difficulty making decisions




Questionnaire To Identify Signs Of Co-dependency

This condition appears to run in different degrees, whereby the intensity of symptoms are on a spectrum of severity, as opposed to an all or nothing scale. Please note that only a qualified professional can make a diagnosis of co-dependency; not everyone experiencing these symptoms suffers from co-dependency.
1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you?
3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem?
4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?
5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own?
6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home?
7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends?
8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?
9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?
10. Have you ever felt inadequate?
11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?
12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?
13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?
14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?
15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done?
16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss?
17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life?
18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help?
19. Do you have trouble asking for help?
20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them?
If you identify with several of these symptoms; are dissatisfied with yourself or your relationships; you should consider seeking professional help. Arrange for a diagnostic evaluation with a licensed physician or psychologist experienced in treating co-dependency.




How is Co-dependency Treated?

Because co-dependency is usually rooted in a person’s childhood, treatment often involves exploration into early childhood issues and their relationship to current destructive behavior patterns. Treatment includes education, experiential groups, and individual and group therapy through which co-dependents rediscover themselves and identify self-defeating behavior patterns. Treatment also focuses on helping patients getting in touch with feelings that have been buried during childhood and on reconstructing family dynamics. The goal is to allow them to experience their full range of feelings again.
Hope this information can help someone like me. 

2012/04/01

How to Correct Your Accent? Andy Krieger

This video is a bit long, but it worth sharing. I saw it originally from hujiang


Mr Krieger is a voice coach, world famous voice coach, he is the inventor of the unique K Method.




The K Method -- Five Steps
Step1: Speak slowly(in the beginning)in order to give yourself time to...Put your tongue and lips in one of 9 ALPHABET POSITIONS
Step2: All the letters of the alphabet are divided into 9 groups. All you have to do is memorize these groups(fun&easy to do)
Step3: Involves an exchange of air USING YOUR HAND to help you
Step4: Also involves the exchanging of air. Again your hand is invovled in this process.
Step5: Each word you say has an elongated vowel.






2012/03/30

Ma jeunesse - Après la Remise de Diplôme

C'est triste, finalement, je voudrais utiliser français à enregisitrer la vie à l'école d'ingénieur, car après vivant trois ans en France, je ne peux pas écire avec français coulant.


Même avec mon français de mouvaise qualité, je voudrais bien d'écrire quelques chose pour commémorer mes jeunesses. Ce temps était un peu spécial pour moi, c'est le temps depuis quand je pouvais penser ma vie totalement comme une adulte. 

2012/03/22

如何在Photoshop里添加笔刷

最近常在译言翻翻图什么的,必用软件就是Photoshop啦。越多滴使用PS,让我对之技术涵盖之广,功能之大,惊叹不已!不过我所了解的还是皮毛啦。

前几天翻译了一篇祛痘的文章《将痘痘一网打尽》,其中有一些用铅笔涂的效果,PS自带的笔刷木有,于是上网找了一些效果(如下图),在brusheezy上挺多素材的。

linedscribbles.jpg 

那怎么通过Photoshop来使用呢?

2012/03/12

Secret love

As social media spread the information so quickly and widely, it's easier but more circuitous to love some one secretly. Sometimes, it even dries my brain to think about how could I live without computer 10 years ago. What did I do to kill the boring time? 


I wrote many letters, not love letters to a boy I liked. If there isn't anything wrong with my memory, that must have been 42 letters. Even I can't remember what the content could be. But I still can tell the feelings when I wrote and gave the letters to him. Fortunately, I didn't clarify my feeling to him. In fact, from the beginning to the end, it seemed like that it was just an one-man show for me, and you can tell this too if you know the number of letters that he replied. 



2012/03/10

Who is Joseph Kony? | 谁是Joseph Kony

The first time I heard about this name "Joseph Kony" is through a program of learning French. Then I googled the name in thinking that maybe this is just another political topic as many others recently. However, I noticed that just 3 days makes this video spread so quickly. And I want to share to make more people be able to see it.


Shortly speaking, this is a video aiming to make one man named "Joseph Kony" famous, not to celebrate, but to arrest him before the end of the year 2012. Because he's a the number 1 criminal of the world.


The official site of this move is http://www.kony2012.com/ . And here's the original video on youtube.




第一次看到“Joseph Kony”这个名字是在沪江的一个学TFI的网站,我当时不知道Kony2012是什么,也不知道这是关于什么东西的。我以为不过是像大选或者利比亚一样的东西。结构搜了才知道是怎么一回事。上面就是Kony2012的原版视频。怕国内打不开,所以下面放一个优酷的。

简单地说,这是让一个世界头号通缉犯变得人尽皆知的一个行动。官网在此:http://www.kony2012.com/

2012/03/09

Another website for learning Ruby | 推荐一个学Ruby的网站 - Ruby和尚

RubyMonk is another website I crawled on to learn some new thing. This time is Ruby. The name is very interesting, with the image on the home page, study doesn't seem so tedious. 




One of the reasons that I would like to recommend this site is that the way they are teaching is interactive. Similar with the course CS101 : BUILDING A SEARCH ENGINE I've mentioned in another post, RubyMonk has some quiz while teaching, and in using the embedded interface we can directly execute the Ruby codes on the sites (Figure 1).



Figure 1

And  you can see the results of the execution(Figure 2).

Figure 2

What's more, after each chapter, there're some challenges. 
What I like most about this site, is that on the title part, there's a countdown plate(Figure 3).
Figure 3

Interesting, huh?
Wanna be a monk of Ruby, click here.

这次要推荐的是另一个学习Ruby的网站,网站做的很有意思,因为有互动的命令行,可以直接在网页上运行Ruby命令。这种方式让学习没那么枯燥。循序渐进的课程也会让人学起来轻松不少。
另外,我最喜欢的就是页眉的倒计时牌了。很萌的,有木有。
来做个Ruby“和尚”吧。猛戳这里

2012/03/07

静静绽放的绿——我制作的专辑

静静绽放的绿

制作人:lala_yao
静静绽放的绿
风随着意思吹,你听见风的响声,却不晓得从哪里来,往哪里去;
我们捉不住冬天的尾巴。我们用各种温度,湿度,暖度去定义一个季节的时候,才发现,原来夏天里可以有秋天,秋天里可以有冬天,冬天里可以有春天,但春天里也有可能有冬天。春天,已经不再在绽放的花朵里,也不再在绿草之上,我们能看到的很多代表春天的气息的东西,都已经被人工的东西所替代。
我们的生活,我们的感情,似乎也是如此。
我们已经不知道从哪里去找最初的那份自然。
春天还在吗?最真实,最纯真的你还在吗?

2012/03/06

制作搜索引擎课程: BUILDING A SEARCH ENGINE

Yan à Paris 推荐了一个网络课程给我,挺像很多名校公开课的,不同的是,你可以和师生有互动,你可以在上面做作业(Figure 1 & 2),也可以到论坛上提问,作业当中还有实践操作的编程(Figure 1),都是在网上进行的,请看截图。

不知道国内能不能上这个网站,可以试试看,地址在http://www.udacity.com/。里面还有个关于机器人的课程,我没上,感兴趣的可以去看看

Yan à Paris recommended an online course for me, the course is "Building a Search Engine", taught by Professor David Evans and Professor Sebastian Thrun. I like the interface very much, because you can do homework, write some codes and execute it(Figure 1), all by this interface. Also, there's a forum for the students to ask questions and to communicate. You can really learn something here. And I'm very thankful that this course is totally free. What's more, every week is a unit, and every unit has a homework to do, and is due to finish every Tuesday. 


If you want to learn something, don't hesitate, join us!

More courses on http://www.udacity.com/
Figure 1
Figure 2

Figure 3



2012/03/04

18岁




楼里有个人在楼下贴了张纸,说,周六晚上ta要庆祝ta人生里第18个春天,会很吵,提前给大家说抱歉。说实话,我看到fêter mes 18 printemps的时候,我盯着数字在发呆,我没想到这是一个对年龄的宣告。可能因为已经离这个数字渐行渐远,所以这个数字闪过的时候,大概穿过大脑无数个拐角,我才能想到,哦,18岁。


2012/03/03

那些年,我们一起青涩的岁月

    台湾很美,早在一两年前我就在我的bucket list放上了“去台湾环岛”。虽然不知道什么时候才能够实现这个梦想,但我不想在闭上离世的眼睛,带走那一片影子。

    《那些年,我们一起追过的女孩》,我以为这是一个有关暗恋的故事,看了以后才知道,原来这是一个关于青春的故事,就像电影末尾那张纸上写的一样。

2012/03/02

Babylon-David Carbonara




By the waters, 
the waters, 
of Babylon.
We lay down 
And wept, 
And wept,
For thee Zion.
We remember Thee,
Remember Thee Zion.
By the waters, 
The waters, 
Of Babylon.
We laid down 
And wept,

Yan à Paris: (Liberation.fr ) Diplômés non grata

Yan à Paris: (Liberation.fr ) Diplômés non grata: L'article originale : Diplômés non grata Moi, un autre victime potentielle de la circulaire 31 mai 2011...... Malgré de solides étude...

【xkcd】Students


After all these years, I always remind myself of my life in university.

A typical day of Jamie

My name is Jamie, sometimes, as almost no one calls me like that. I chose this name before I came to France. Because I found in the dictionary that a girl named Jamie is likely to love life, as its pronunciation is similar to french "j'aime", means "I love".

叶子南翻译理论——读书笔记(1)

第一章 翻译的基本概念和问题

翻译的核心问题:如何把原文的意思在译文中说出来。

2012/03/01

花样的年华——在巴黎


    是谁说,时间是场流动的盛宴……

    今天走过巴黎,看见人来人往,车流不息,塞纳河也总是被游船撩动。艺术桥上挂着的情人锁随着行人在桥上走动而颤抖。有的锁锈迹斑斑,上面依稀可以辨认“S&M”的字样,不知道,当年在这里挂上这对锁的情人,是否有白头到老。

    Recently, I always remind myself of your face, it's been a long time since the last time we saw each other. Time flies, people usually say that, as they always feel that so much hasn't been done. But for me, time flies because you took its wings away from you.